It all started with me trying to clean up my hard drive, remove some movie files taking up precious space. Then I started watching Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. I wrote down one quote that I thought was cool (the one about "I have many leather bound books..") . Then another. And another. After about two hours I decided I'd better just post what I have, then do another post later. I wonder if there's already a Ron Burgundy quotes app on Facebook? The world needs one!
Yes, I realise this has probably all been done before, and I this is all wasted effort and I should've Googled it first... but what can I say? I felt the urge! It was a labour of love. :P
"I know what you're asking yourself - and the answer is yes, I have a nickname for my penis. It's called The Octagon. But I also nicknamed my testes. My left one is James Westfall, and my right one is Dr Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right you might just get to meet the whole gang."
"People seem to like me because I am polite and rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and enjoy a nice pair of slacks. "
"We've been coming to the same party for twelve years now, and in no way is that depressing."
"I don't usually do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. You have ... an absolutely ... breathtaking ... heinie. I mean, that thing is good. I wanna be friends with it."
"I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."
"(to Baxter the dog)You're so wise. Like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair."
"(to Baxter the dog) You know I don't speak Spanish. In English, please."
"(to Baxter the dog) You pooped in the refrigerator - and you ate a whole wheel of cheese? How'd you do that?"
"Well, I could be wrong, but I believe Diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil war era."
"It is anchor-MAN, not anchor-LADY, and that is a scientific fact!"
"It's terrible! She has beautiful eyes and her hair smells like cinnamon!"
"I read somewhere that their periods attract bears. The bears can smell the menstruation."
"Hey! Where did you get those clothes? At the... toilet store?"
"I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother Dorothy Mantooth out for a nice seafood dinner, and never call her again!"
"You know those ratings systems are flawed. They don't take into account houses that have more than two television sets."
"Can't say one word? Even the guy who can't think says something, and you guys just stand there?"
"But I think my son is just going through a phase. I have no idea where he would've gotten hold of German pornography."
"But you and I are mature adults who've both seen our share of pornographic materials - oh, you never have? Of course you haven't, how stupid of me, neither have I. I was just speaking in generalities.... I'll stop by the school later Sister Margaret."
"What do you say we go out on a date? Have some chicken, maybe some sex. You know, see what happens."
"It's called Sex Panther, by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries. Yep, it's made of bits of real panther. So you know it's good."
"They've done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time it works every time."
"Its smells like a used diaper filled with indian food!
What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair!
Smells like Bigfoot's dick!"
"I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party....
The party.. with the pants....
Party with pants..."
"The only way to bag a classy lady is give her two tickets to the guns show... (kisses 'guns').. and see if she likes the goods"
"But now I am too hurt.. and shocked.. and offended.. and... hurt!"
"Veronica: Mr Burgundy, you have a massive erection.
Ron: Yes... I do... I'm sorry... it's... the pleats. Essentially an optical illusion... the pattern on the pants it's not flattering in the... the crotchular region. I'm actually taking them back right now."
"This is a mistake, he's very cute... No he's not, he's not, he's hairy."
"San Diego - drink it in, it always goes down smooth. It's a fact, it's the greatest city in the history of mankind. Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diago, which, of course, in German means 'a whale's vagina.'"
"Ron: I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.
Veronica: Doesn't it mean Saint Diego?
"We have a saying in my country about people like him - 'The coyote of the desert always likes to eat the heart of the young, when the blood drips down to the children for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and only the ribs will be broken in two.'"
"Well, I have one great passion that lives deep within my loins like a flaming, golden hawk."
"Wait.. what if just for tonight we weren't co-workers - we were just co-people.
You be a woman. I'll be a man. That's all."
"Veronica and I are trying this new fad called jogging. I believe its 'jogging' or 'yogging', it might be a soft 'J', I'm not sure. But apparently you just run for an extended period of time."
"I know that one day Veronica and I are gonna get married on top of a mountain. And there's gonna be flutes playing, and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance til the sun rises, and then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside and you won't be invited!"
"It seems our youngest, Chris, was on something called 'acid', and was firing a bow and arrow into a crowd. You know how kids are."
"This city needs its news, and you're gonna deprive them of that because I have breasts? Exquisite breasts?"
"I'm in a glass case of emotion!"
"Why are you being this way? Why can't you just be proud of me as a peer and as my gentleman lover?"
"Veronica: You have man boobs.
Ron: You've got a dirty whorish mouth. I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do.
Veronica: Jazz flautist for little fairy boys.
Ron: Okay, you know what - that's uncalled for! I can't work with this woman."
"Ron: There's only one thing a man can do when he's suffering from a spiritual and existential funk.
Champ: Go to the zoo? Flip off the monkeys?
Ron: No. Buy new suits.
More to come once I get the urge to surge. No, I don't know what that meant.
Let's end this post on a high note. I wanna talk about love.
"Brick: I love... carpet. I love... desk.
Ron: Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?
Brick: I love lamp.
Ron: Do you really love the lamp or are you just saying it because you saw it?
Brick: I love lamp. I love lamp."
You stay classy, Information Superhighway.
Thanks for stopping by.