Friday, 21 July 2006

All I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From Voltes V

  1. There is no problem that cannot be solved by the judicious application of Chain Knuckles, Voltes Bazooka, Ultraelectromagnetic Top, Volt Boomerang, and a Laser Sword.
  2. You may be leader of a team of hyper-fit space fighters and the best fighter pilot in the galaxy but you will never get the girl because you don't ride a motorcycle or brandish a whip.
  3. The enemy is always supremely ugly, except for their leader - but that's only because he's actually your half brother!
  4. The enemy leader's female assistant is in love with him but he's too caught up with dreams of conquest and revenge to realise no one else actually likes him, and this may be his only chance at getting some.
  5. Aerial battles and explosions are always better with a funky track containing appropriate horn blasts.
  6. Little brothers may be annoying pipsqueaks but you never know when their robot pet octopus might save your collective skins using its tiny laser torch.
  7. Victory is always sweeter if you twist your sword once you have it in the enemy's sternum and then and pull it back upwards to slice them in half with a "V" flashing from their torso just before they explode into a million pieces.
  8. Anytime you have a heart-rending, emotional moment with your father, a giant beast robot's hand will punch in the wall and (again!) take him prisoner.

1 comment:

ben c. said...

Ugly is relative. Handsome steve armstrong is considered ugly in Bozania because he doesn't have horns on his head.

Boyong, you forgot two critical techniques: spinfly and butterfly return. When you've become too predictable, just do a spinfly.